so here are the positives of the revolution aynn layed out, it seems appropriate to begin with pros rather than cons-the glass is half full right? so number one, obviously overthrowing Somoza and his cruel dictatorship was good; unless of course you were Somoza, the national guard, or the oligarghy. second pro was the relationship with USSR and Cuba the Sandanistas enjoyed. the education and helath initiatives are famous and should be read about somewhere else cuz quite honestly I don't know that much. also the agrarian reform is denoted a positive, the process in which the Sandinistas gave land to the peasants in the form of cooperatives. here a problem arises in the manner that they did so, the revolution must be understood as an urban revolution and when this military junta applied these good ideals and intentions to the campo they failed to translate. this lack of cultural sensitivity to the needs and wants of the rural campesinos led to a miscommunication of immense proportions and economic decline. in the first years after the triumph, women's rights were also realized, no billboards could have the image of a woman in order to sell a product. sadly, the situation changed and on March 8,88 Daniel was quoted saying the role of women in Nicaraguan society was to have more babies to fight in the army. The revolution tends to be romantized, especially looking back at what could have been. but the truth is the sandinistas made mistakes apart from what the US and low intensity contra war did. economic discontent was wide spread, as a result from the agrarian reform, and lack of food and supplies during the war years. civil rights were suspended, particularly the censorship of the newspapers and religion. for example mormons and jehovah's witnesses were kicked out of the country on suspicion of working for the CIA. Perhaps the worst, gravest mistake made was what the army did to the indigenous population that lives on the east coast, the atlantic coast. again the sandanistas failed to have cultural sensitivity and removed the mestizos from their sacred land along the river and forced migrations cost thousands of lives. ahh this is so long, i'll write more later about the years 90 till present, after the sandanistas lost power due to the power of the vote. sorry i suck at keeping up to date, but we have hardly any time it seems to be at the ciber. hasta pronto.

so i´ve been procrastinating writing down what we learned from a lecture from aynn setright about the history of nicaragua but i need to before i forget more than i already have. so to start with the geographical location of nicaragua has had an immense impact on the countries history-it´s the belly button of the Americas. Sandino is perhaps the oldest national hero and still revered today, in fact we went to a concert of sorts for Sandino´s birthday one of the first days we were here. His silouette is everywhere, including the top of a hill central in the city where we went on our historic tour, where Somoza´s presidential palace used to be before the earthquake. Sandino was mainly and most importantly anti-imperaliastic (against the US of course) in the thirties when the marines came to Nicaragua and he led the armed force to kick the marines out of the country. In ´34 the Us condoned his assasination after getting in with the first of the three Somozas. Somoza invited Sandino to the presidential palace and had him ambushed on the road home so the story goes, thus inaugurating decades of cruel dictatorship sponsored by the US of A. from 35-39 the main aim of the US was economic stability and as such the dictatorship was lo mejor. The affects of this alliance can be seen from something as simple as the name of Somoza´s army-the national guard. hand in hand with Somoza was the oligarghy which consisted of the economic elite and a handful of families: often there is made reference to the three p´s in Somoza´s philosophy for running a country: plata=money for my friends; plomo= bullets for my enemies; and palo=sticks for the undecided. It also must be noted that the catholic church had historically alligned itself with the side of power up until the 80´s. During the dictatorship there was no such thing as community development, and economic relations between nica and the us came at the expense of the majority, the poor. so in 72 was the infamous quake that killed 10,000 people and destroyed the city of managua...todavia there are buildings that i have no idea how they are still standing. the last Somoza, Anastasio Debalye, used the tragedy to make some more money and had the city blocked off not for health reasons, not for safety reasons, but so that the national guard could loot all the businesses more effectively. The cuban revolution of 59 and the resulting national liberation movements fueled the flames for nicaragua´s own revolution which manifested in the FSLN which drew on Sandino´s and Fronseca´s ideas of the right of self-determination in a country that had never been allowed any autonomy, any voice in their own nation. Also important to note was the conference in Medellin in 68 in which liberation theology took real shape and which lead to a change in paradigm, or a shift in foregin policy from economic stability to human rights (all this is according to aynn). Out of this also came the CBC´s in which the people came to the table to reflect on lived experience and rediscover a Jesus who was human, was sweating on the streets just like they were and was present in their struggle. The biggest problem these communities faced was the dictatorship and they supported the revolution, if not by taking up arms in other ways. 79 is known as the triumph when Somoza´s statue is fallen in the main plaza and millions of Nicaraguans arrived in Managua celebrating and celebrating and celebrating some more. I´ll finish this next time dude...

where to start? so for spanish class i get to gossip (chismear) in the kitchen with the cooks and other women who work at the school. its great! i still hate speaking alot, especially about myself but i love to listen. just really sit there and listen to people speak-about the double standard women face, about anas boring husband, about dancing and fiestas and tele novelas and code names for bosses. the thing about another language is that firstly it sucks but secondly you really have to listen, all the time with intense focus to not loose the thread of the conversation and your brain is speeding ahead to try to piece together a response to the question you know theyre going to ask you. i still cant wrap my mind around how people can be comepletely fluent in two languages, it seems impossible to me especially as i realize more and more maybe i was born without the talent to pick up languages-but ive never shied away from an academic challenge (well maybe thats not true, but for the most part it is). so instead of kitchen gossip, the other day ryan and i and ana and yamy (like how i cant spell even in spanish?) went to the market to buy a literal mountain of fruits and vegetables and meat for the center. we went to mercado israel which is more expensive than other markets like mercado oriental becasue the vendors actually buy the produce at five in the morning and hall it to this other market but supposedly there are less people so that makes it more desireable. so as were walking along i among the usual audible shouts and whispers about being gringa, chela, bonita, linda, etc etc i actually got asked "how much" as in how much for sex...ive tried to explain how normally these comments-rude, vulgur, and devaluing-dont bother me because i just ignore them or pretend i dont speak any spanish but this one guy in particular i wanted to knock down to the ground, and im pretty sure i could have i had to have been a good five inches taller then he was. but i supressed my violent tendency and continued walking and honestly im not that fired up about it anymore. the market has its highlights though, for instance there were live iguanas, crabs, lobsters and almost anything else you could possibly want to buy. i should be better at remembering the names of fruits and vegtables but i need to see them written down, im pretty sure i ate a guyava or something to that effect, then it was made into juice for lunch. we went to our friend maria teresa chomorros house later in the evening and it was a tropical paradise to say the least. i can imagine that her backyard might closely resemble heaven. but i couldnt ignor the juxtapostition of that against a background of barefoot kids who asked for a peso and peered in windows of the suv at us and her driver as we were stopped at the red light. we went to the galleria mall as well and i couldnt help but think it was like lookign into a mirror of ourselves-transported to this place where it seemingly didnt belong- and i have to admitt i didnt like the image that stared back at me. not to belabor the point of this little cuento but it reminded me quite clearly that for all the gray that exists between black and white there are some very real choices that we make, whether we realize it or not. some like to believe that things are always relative, that there is always someone richer, someone poorer. but when that someone who is poorer doesnt live in dignity or cant live at all things stop being realtive really quickly and start moving in the direction of moral black and white, right and wrong. im afraid that im often, if not exclusively on the side of the oppressor, the priviledged and its not an easy truth to be aware of because it calls for action and for change. so while some may view this little summer trip as squandering time and avoiding "real" work i look at it as ingraining a very real truth on my heart that i will never forget, that i couldnt forget even if i wanted to and will move me in a certain direction with my life here on out. im reading three books right now simutaneously, sobrino still, one about the political message of jesus that the center gave us, and then one about buddhism and im really delighted with myself becasue they all compliment one another in increasingly profound ways, which makes sense if no one person or source can have all of the truth. i dont think ill making a career out of blogging, its so hard to put thoughts into any kind of order or for me to make any sense out of a stream of conscious and the really frustrating part is i know im spelling a lot of words horribly wrong and i cant find the freaking spell check or at least get it to work along with the various keys on the keyboard. anyways thats all for now...thanks for my one comment charity! love you:)

time is flying by i cant believe how much weve done already. as a side note i cant figure out how to do caps or apostrophes or anything else on this damn computer, im not being gramatically incorrect on purpose nor did i not capitalize god on purpose. i forget what i already wrote and i lost my thoughts about it anyway...so moving on yesterday we went to grandada which, to me, appeared almost the exact same as antigua, guatemala. luis said that the two cities were the same age and so it makes sense they have the same brightly colored houses lining the streets, old churchs crumbling little by little, and invasive signs in english advertising "breakfast" at "kathys bagel shop"...kristin and i were talking to an older rotartian guy who came along with our group to grandada and i was trying to explain the sadness i feel about globalization. i feel like im running out of time to see these different cities and places before theyre overcrowded with mcdonalds and pizza hut. ive heard my share of arguments about why globalization is a good thing but i remain unconvinced, what is the goal anyway-to raise every countries standard of living to the united states? something is deeply wrong with our culture if you havent noticed, we spend more on the family dog than we give to feed a starving child, we attack iraq and wage war on "terrorism", we do all sorts of disgusting things and i use we because despite many modes of thinking to the contrary we are connected, not just individuals but an entire society. which brings me to sobrinos book no salvation outside the poor. i wrote down quotes cuz its not my book and im not allowed to underline. here are, in my opinion, some of the most striking. "the question is not whether someone looks for god, but whether he looks for god where god himself said he was, in the poor of the world". "its the bargain of our times-in order to save, there is no need for generocity or sacrifice. it recalls the old fallacy:that it is enough to be "poor in spirit", without anysort of participation in real poverty". "solidarity=unequals bearing one another mutually" "the west is still largely sunk in the sleep of cruel inhumanity, ignoring, suppressing, covering over terrible realities for which it is mainly resposible" "the poor dont exist, why is there being instead of nothingness? now it seems there is nothing, and that provokes nothing, no indignation, no protest." "the poor dont even have a name. giving a name means making things real, calling them into existence". to go off the last point, i know i have very little to give for the two months im down here. if anything, i will receive more love, more hospitality, more wisdom than i can possibly repay but the thing is i dont feel worthless, at least not yet. if there is one thing im aiming to accomplish it is to give the poor a name-its so hard to rethink about the work there is to do in "developing" the third world in terms of relationships. Aynn Setright came to speak to us the other day and one of her comments was about the USs relationship with nicaragua and what the future of that relationship will look like. obviously we have nothing to be too proud of, the iran contra scandal and all the harm weve caused and continue to cause the poor of the country, but she made the observation that the places the tourists go have the most people begging for a hand out. the tourists get off their boat, go look for a bathroom, drop some money on sovenirs and get back on the boat. while there can be little doubt that tourism is good for the economy she called into question the good of this relationship and i see the point. can we really believe that were helping the situation in the long run by developing a tourist industry without any focus on education, on healthcare, on community organizing-money doesnt magically fix things. but man did we feel like tourists in granada. the hardest thing of the day was when an old man came and begged for some money, after this speech about how handouts arent the way to sustain real change of the system and the recommendation that we shouldnt give handouts, i had to look into his eyes and say "lo siento" which im pretty sure translates as i feel it (really it means im sorry). but i wasnt lying, i really really felt it. we have so much, so much! and somehow im realizing that its not enought to be grateful for what you have, you have to give it away in a very real way to those who dont have enough...how do we keep accumulating and accumulating when others are dying of hunger elsewhere? its so much harder back home, i think aynn was right on again when she said our american culture is anesthetizing, you walk around feeling numb because just to exist youre burying reality, pushing unplesant thoughts, unpleasant people under a rug until they stop existing to you. but they do exist and they have a name, they have dignity and the thing is were connected to one another-we cant be saved as individuals, by having enough stuff to find happiness, thats what i think sobrino was getting at, no salvation outside the poor, they make us really see, they open our eyes, wake us up from this awful sleep and without them what are we doing? so maybe that made sense, maybe not these were my thoughts for the day and i have to add some of the other stuff we did: ruta maya for fiesta de mayo was a highlight the regae music was amazing and sung by guys with dreads down to their waists. an older afro-caribean guy recited some poetry too with amazing presence. we danced and had flor de cana. the east coast of nicaragua is where the indigenous people still live, they speak english and moskito and so for once i felt like i knew better what was going on than everyone else. my family is the best one in my unbiased opinion. the two boys, bryan and alvaro, are adorable and anita is my new buddy. dona norma is such a great cook that i might come back unrecognizably huge. there are way more people in my family, all great, that im sure ill have stories about late. also to add i checked my mcat scores today and im not devestated so yipee...i might be a spartan after all:)

so for everyone wondering i´m alive and well, desfortunatemente the internet is down at the center so no skype, sorry dad...if i had any expectations and i really tried not to have any, they were all exceeded by this akf center. the grounds are beautiful, complete with palm trees and grass, hammocks and rocking chairs. just outside our room that kristin, trout and i share is a patio to sit at in the morning the trees here are amazing, my favorite so far are the ones that flower with brillant orange blooms. it´s paradise inside the centro but somehow you never get used to the huts of sorts made from scap metal, the sight of kids in tattered clothes and barefoot walking around the city at midnight, the smells of exhaust and burning trash. out welcome was warm, the first nicaraguan we met was an co owner of the centro, luis, he has turned out to be another antonio canaz -charity i know you´ll understand. he spoke today about his involvment in the cbc´s and about his understanding, through really living the revolution, of liberation theology. while i cannot do him justice here are some of his main points: the focus of liberation theology differs from the church he grew up in, and here i can relate, because of the focus on social sin over personal sin. we can become so focused on morals that the catholic church has lost a sense of the social element, a god who is communal-father, son and holy spirit-and this was one of the great successes of the base communities, drawing on the communal element of god´s very nature to understand more fully the mystery. he also emphasized god´s human element, the kenosis of god incarnate-jesus-who emptied himself of all power and priviledge to become fully human, humble, the suffering servant. the other emphasis was on the defense of life, above all else. in this sense it didn´t suffice to obey the theology of suffering now to go to heaven in the future, this god is a god who defends life here on this earth, right now, right here. jesus, for these people, is the god of the poor, simple, humble who sweats on the streets. luis said that in this context it makes sense to be a christian. if god was not a god of liberation he saw no purpose to his existance. trout asked about the divinity of christ, a point the vatican often faults liberation theology for underemphasizing, and luis´ framing of the resurrection was in terms of life overcoming death and evil and sin. that this human being defended life until the last and defeated evil. i had to ask about non-violence and it´s place in the nicaraguan reality, after all he had participate in the revolution although not as a soldier. he said he does not defend violence nor would he try to defend it but in defending life sometimes it was necessary. he cited the good samaritan story to ask what the samaritan would have done if he´d walked by while the beating was still in progress...he´d have defended life. i have my own thoughts here to add as well as a lot left to say about sobrino´s book i´m reading right now but i´m out of time at this cyber cafe so for now that´s it. if you´re reading this thanks for being curious, i´m not that sick mom and i´m really happy. hasta.